I sat there frozen, my beer mere inches from my slack jaws. Mouth agape, and with eyes transfixed to the horrors before me, it slowly unfolded. My two fluffy minions took this opprtunity to help themselves to the half eaten remnants of steak and chips on the plate on the low table beside me. The next 20 seconds of imagery raked across my eyeballs, pillaging their way through brain matter, destroying synapses, raping brain cells, getting on nerves nerves and leaving a disaster scene in their wake. The cold shock of Charles Glass forming a small pond in my lap was what jolted me back to reality like a scene from the movie inception.
I had just had my first encounter with the trailer for Warm Bodies...

I rose rather damply and made my way to the verandah by the pool to slowly finish off the last of my lager. As i stood there staring at the suns rays boucing off the water, images began to flit across my field of vision as i remembered what i had  witnessed. The tormenting flashes dancing across my skull became too much for me and i let said torment known to the world in one short abrupt outburst. "WHY!!!!????''. As i recall, there was a general worker outside cutting the lawn acoss from where i stood, beer in hand, soggy shorts and all. he gave me a curious look and then, shaking his head muttering to himself in vernacular, he continued going about his business. I assume that after all these years he must have grown accustomed to my little 'moments'. He could've been right. But then again, he hadnt just seen the trailer for Warm Bodies. The first time i had one of my little incidents was not too long ago actually. I walked into the living room to find my two darling little sisters nesting in the lounge, glued to the tv. Curious, i leant against the doorway and stood there to see what had their attention so badly. I witnessed a centuries old vampire going to high school, turning into freaking diamonds in the freaking sun and smooching his freaking food! His food, being a girl who held an expression on her face similar to that of someone in dire need to answer the call of nature whilst being bombarded with the tireless banter of  their Aunt Bessy and her trip to Dubai. The last straw was when i witnessed a long hair having-no shirt wearing-sixpack to die for having- chap leap into the air and turn into a dog.....

I strode across the room like a man with a purpose. Chin held high and shoulders set, i was a man with a mission. i picked up the remote and changed to national geographic...My two young siblings instantly transformed into students fresh out of the school of hard knocks and i was drop kicked wrestling style into the passage way. Readers as i stood there, snivelling like a man and nursing my wounds, i could not help but think to myself, where have all the scary movies gone? I can but only hope that one day the balance shall be restored and the stars enter their alignment once more, pitting us into unnending darkness and as we cower with our popcorn in our various homes with our girlfriends clutching us almost as tightly as we clutch them we shall forget of the time when horrors werent horror....